If anyone in this situation is a sad little cartoon character, it's me. I'm all alone in the forest, all alone in the forest, George.

You know what? I hate that feeling like when you're in a nightmare and you're screaming and everyone just keeps walking past. I had someone who made that feeling go away. I was completely and utterly dependent, and I never should have been, I shouldn't have let myself. Or maybe that's the problem, maybe I didn't give in soon enough. I just know I was relieved when I made him go away, because...

I was only ever going to be a disappointment. I know that. I've always known that. And in a way it's kinda nice when people give in and believe that too. Having people give up on you and walk away and turn their backs, when it's all you've ever thought was going to happen anyway. You're not disappointed, because you expected it. But do they do it because you expect them to? Because you drive them mad and drive them away?

I stopped being able to talk. It stopped being easy and I can't stand it anyway but he... The things he says cut to the quick. You know when someone criticises something about you that's true, and it really hurts, and you get really defensive but you just wanna curl up and cry because you didn't think it was a big deal and you didn't think it mattered and they've shown you just how they feel and really that character trait that you didn't think was a problem is actually a more than minor flaw. I don't know how to hurt him, not really, it just happened. I didn't mean to hurt him. I never really see things from other sides. I know what I'm doing and I have a vague grasp of my motives and I forget that other people don't know what's in my head, however much they claim to want to.

I miss being able to depend. I guess I kinda take it for granted that someone will be there, but once they're inner sanctum... I didn't think they'd stop being there. I wouldn't have got so close if I'd have thought it was going to go away.