Life is such a chore...

You know how sometimes you know you have to do something? Like coursework or revision, because it's always about the fugging GCSEs isn't it?

Anyway, you've got your halfterm and you know you have to revise because you have to do your best and fulfil your potential and you can't let yourself down, Heaven forbid you don't get the A*s, or at least the As, but anything less than that is a failure, even though we will all pretend you did fine and try to hide or disappointment and our shame in your failure to succeed.

So you know you need to revise. Because they drum it into your brain, all the time, you can't escape from it: GCSEs, important year, difficult year, exams, revise, coursework, practice papers, revision, learn, remember, do well, succeed, not trying hard enough, mocks, not doing as well as expected, push harder, work harder, not performing to the best of your abilities, grades are slipping, losing focus, so close now, don't fall at the last hurdle, FUCK! Just stop. Breathe. Relax. Shut up the voices. Have a little fun. Have a little you-time. Have a little break.

And hate yourself for it. Because all you can think about is the fact that you're wasting your time, that you're not revising and learning, that you're not working. And you fucking well should be! Because everyone else is, no one else is wasting their time, everyone else is trying to maximise their potential, so what the fuck are you doing messing around, screwing around, wasting your time, wasting your potential?

Potential. What a joke. You don't have the potential to do anything. You're a waste. You always will be. Everyone else tries, strives, wants to succeed, and they will. They're working hard, they deserve it. You're not allowed to be jealous and envy them when you know that you could have had their lives if you'd just got off your fat arse, stopped pitying yourself and done some fugging work.

You try. Sometimes. But it makes your head hurt. Makes your brains melt out of your ears. Makes you irritable, moreso than usual; makes you inclined to roar like a bear at the slightest noise, the slightest annoyance. You're angry, all the time, and you can't work out quite why. Hormones, perhaps. But all the time? Regardless of TimeoftheMonth? Perhaps you're angry at yourself, you know that's true, and you're just taking it out on other people too, because you have too much rage.