Because I don't wanna be here, I don't wanna see this now, it's all wrong but it's all right, and I don't wanna be here...

I am FREAKING OUT right now. It's the dreaded Back to School Day tomorrow, and I cannot cope with this. I am sooo FREAKING right now. And I can't deal. I absolutely fucking can't deal. It's enough staying home you know? I can't do school too. It's just...argh I dunno how to explain it. I just feel so stressed and so scared and so depressed all the fucking time, and it's like...there's not even that much shit to deal with when I'm at home, but when I'm at school there's a thousand and one things, and it all adds to the stuff that's just there from like my personality and my moods and shit, so there's all this added stuff... And there's school stress. Like, for example, right now I'm thinking how shit it is that I haven't worked on my magazine for media, and how I haven't even started my fucking German cwk, which I am meant to be doing off by heart in like two weeks time, and how shit it is that I haven't practiced any of the songs I'm meant to be learning for a freakin' grading exam and then there's gonna be another science module, and just general hwk, and lessons, and dealing with friends...
ARGH I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS! I know I sound so pathetic and whiny and there's nothing really wrong, cause I mean all this shit's been here for like ages. But right now it seems like so much more than it is. I should get some perspective. I should learn to deal. I should do a thousand things that I don't do and I'm not doing and I know I probably never will do, because I'm a fuck up and I'm fucked up and I fuck up and I've fucked up, and I'm always gonna be like this, and I can't stand that.
Jesus Christ. Why can't things just be ok? Why can't I just let things be ok?