Love may make you blind kid, but I wouldn't mind at all

Spring Awakening! Alas, if only I had sound, I could youtube it. It looks like my sort of musical. Teenage Angst - The Musical. With songs about sex, masturbation, suicide...is all good.

I had a long arse chat with Jazzbar today. Long arse chats make the world go round. Long arse chats and snuggling with your lovers. Curl up with your lovers, underneath the covers.

I do believe there was an element of psychological war going on. With the whole looking hot, evil looks and lavishing of attention on other people. Not that attention was ever really properly directed. We had a distracted love story. A Snow Patrol song of a love story, where it takes ages and ages to even get going, and then it just kinda...fizzles out. I miss him though. A lot. A lot a lot. I wish we were friends again. I think he's mad at me, which is understandable, but I hope he doesn't stay that way. He said he wouldn't. He said he'd always care about me. He said even when we've gone to Uni and we're all lost and drifting in the big wide world (and I'm so so scared of the future. I just want someone to cling to. I just want someone to tell me it's all going to be okay. I just want to sneak a peak at the ending, to make sure it's a happy one.) that he'll still be there and I'll still be here, and we can be anywhere together, whenever. Which would be nice. Because I can't imagine living without him or Tori or Joe.

I don't want to not have a gay boyfriend and a fake girlfriend and...whatever the hell Glen is now. Because gay boyfriend provides drama and wangst and snuggling and jellybellybeans and loves me. And fake girlfriend provides snuggling and squealing and happiness and love and everything I need and want and knows me inside out, even if she struggles with my motives sometimes and can be irritatingly patronising. And Glen is...Glen was awesome. Glen was long conversations that made the world a better place. And he...he used to understand, until he stopped understanding, and I stopped being understood, and I couldn't stand that, so I stopped talking to him, and I know I know I know it was my fault and I really am sorry and I said I didn't want to break up but I lied, I lied, I'm a liar, everybody lies. Everybody hurts. But Tori, Tori said, she got all mother bear on his ass and the mother said I just needed more cereal and Joe was really really worried and he was right there and I was faaaaaalling apart and nothing was making it better. So I blamed the Boy. And so the solution to the problem was to remove the Boy - cut out the cancer and you'll live longer. Maybe make a full recovery one day. Or at least stick it in remission. So I've got remission. I've been granted a reprieve.

But I miss the boy. The world is scary and I miss the boy.